Low self-esteem

 

What is low self-esteem?

 

Low self-esteem is more common than people realise It can be a very lonely, depressing place to be and can be caused by so many different things.  Low self-esteem can be broken down into two main categories.

 

1. How you feel about yourself.

2. How you feel about your ability to learn and grow.

 

Someone could be feeling they have problems with either one of the above, or maybe   that help is needed with both of them.  Low self-esteem is not something that can be caught like the common cold, it develops slowly over a period of time without at first any major impact on someone’s life. The slow nature of the development of low self-esteem may mean that it is  some time before someone realises it is impacting on their life and personal circumstances.

 

In short self-esteem is how an individual values him/herself as a person and how this affects their ability to;

 

  • cope with day to day life

  •  trust your decisions and choices in life

  • how happy and confident someone feels about his/herself

  • how someone copes with inevitable changes to his/her life.

 

So, on a scale of 1-10 where do you rate yourself on these four points?

 

Do I have low self esteem ?

 

This is a very subjective question which only you can truly answer, because only you can know how your level of self-esteem is affecting your life.  Firstly look at how you value yourself then ask yourself, ‘how does that make me feel’? Then try rating yourself from 1-10 on the above four statements and for each one ask you self, do my level of self-esteem help or hinder my life and dreams?

 

If you feel good about the way you value yourself and find that the way you cope with the above four point helps you in your life and your aspirations then chances are you have a healthy level of self-esteem, if you feel the opposite then chances are you have low self-esteem.   

 

How do I build a healthy self-esteem?

 

The first step to achieving healthy self-esteem is to become more consciously aware of your thoughts and feelings.  Also, how your thoughts and interactions with others are impacting on our lives and whether these results are beneficial to you and the way you want to live your life or not.   

 

Once we are more consciously aware of our thoughts, feelings and actions and how that impacts on our lives we then have a choice, do we stay the same or do we change?  The choice to change does mean taking responsibility for how we think feel and act. This means

  • being aware of what we are doing not mindlessly following the crowd

  • taking responsibility for ourselves and action and not finding others to blame

  • learning from our actions and decisions not giving up and berating yourself when at first things don’t go the way you intended.

 

Learning and understanding the reasons for your low self-esteem is a necessary step in allowing yourself to move forward, forgive and free yourself to change as well as giving you the drive and willpower to change how you feel about yourself.  This is something that is best done with a therapist because if you try to analyse this yourself you are doing so from the perspective of someone who doesn’t feel good about themselves so your conclusion may be contaminated by these less than favourable thought processes (It’s very hard to think outside the box when you are the box!).  Far from being helpful,  it could end up making you feel worse about yourself.

 

Once you are on your way to living more consciously and have made the decision to make some changes you will need to take some further steps,

  1. Learn to act and deal with other people from a new equal point of view.

  2. Owning your own values and applying them to yourself as well as others.

  3. Live in the realms of reality and stop trying to be what you think other people want you to be in the vain attempt to win their approval.

  4. Set your own short-term and long-term goals and work out the steps you will need to take along the way to achieve them.

  5. Most importantly be true to who you real are, know who you are what you want and live to your own values.

 

I am aware that all that I have stated can seem very daunting and you may be wondering where on earth to start, but I would urge you to remember the old adage that a journey of thousand miles begins with the first step. Achieving healthy self-esteem is not something you can learn in a few week and then be cured for life it is something that needs to be consciously and deliberately nurtured over time, it needs to be grounded in reality and it is always changing and growing as you move through your life.

 

Most people who suffer with low self-esteem will benefit from taking these first steps with a competent therapist to get them on the right path and to help with new social skills you may need to learn. Please bear in mind that this is something that you have to be willing to take responsibility for and have the drive and will power to change it is not something you can take somewhere and be cured with a pill, hypnosis or any other quick fix. 

 

Take it from me who has been there

 ‘it’s worth it and so are you’