What is bereavement and loss?

Bereavement and loss is most commonly associated with the loss of a loved one or a person that has significance in their life. This loss can cause someone to experience a vast array of emotions from guilt, anger and regret to a feeling of profound sadness that feels like it will never go. While these feelings are not very nice and can leave someone feeling overwhelmed,  they are a natural part of the grieving process and  experiencing them is necessary in order to get through the process of grieving and then to move forward with life again.

Everyone's experience of loss is unique and there is no right or wrong way, you feel what you feel and it’s just a part of grieving and grief is a natural response to any form of loss. A loss can range from losing a loved one, moving house to retiring, the more significant the loss is to you the more intensely you feel and grieve for the loss.

Grief is a very individual experience and there are many different factors that will affect how a person grieves and for how long, factors to consider include;

·       How close you were to the person you lost, or how important the loss was to you?

·       What is your previous experience of loss?

·       How well do you cope with life's challenges, in general?

·       What is going on in your life at the time?

·       What is nature of the loss?

·       What religious beliefs you may have [this may not be appropriate].

·       How much support you have around you.

What happens when a person grieves?

There are many different theories around stages of grief but in general the process of grief is full of ups and downs, good days and bad days as well as happy memories and sad memories. There are however some common symptoms around grief especially in the early stages of your grieving process these include:-

·       A sense of disbelief, where you are unable to accept the full reality of what has happened.

·       Feelings of great sadness, this feeling can hit you to the point of despair and you may find yourself unable to stop crying.

·       Anger, this is a common experience and can be very hard to accept especially if the anger is felt towards a person who has died or around the way they died.

·       Guilt is a common feeling, this can cause you to start to feel a sense of regret and to start asking yourself the questions like “What if I’d had done this”? and “If only I had not done that”

·       Fear of what the future holds can create a sense of panic and the death of a loved one can make people come face-to-face with their own mortality, this can be a very frightening experience.

·       Physical symptoms can also be very common, these include sleeping problems, weight loss or gain, general aches and pains and you may also become more susceptible to other common ailments such as colds and flu.

·       An element of depression is also not uncommon around times of grief

How do I cope with bereavement and loss?

Having the support of those around you can make this process a lot easier.  If you find it difficult to talk to those close to you or you don’t have that support in place you may want to consider joining a support group or talking to a counsellor. Sometimes as time passes grief doesn't seem to get any better and your feelings and emotions (which should lessen in intensity over time) just seem to be as intense as if it happened yesterday and sometimes these feelings can get worse and can develop into depression and other complicated grief issues.  If you're having difficulties with your grief, try talking to somebody impartially about what is going on for, look for a one-to-one grief counselling which can be very useful as can bereavement support groups.  When seeking out a professional it is important that you fine a counsellor or group that you feel comfortable with and bear in mind that it may not be the first one you go to so don’t give up. 

Remember some people feel it is an insult to the memory of a loved one to think they will get over them. In truth you will not get over them, you become comfortable with their memory which in turn means you are comfortable with yourself.